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Sunday
- Day 1 |
| 6:00 PM |
Attend general meeting for local
Herpetological Society. |
| 8:00 PM |
Return home, WASH HANDS. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Monday
- Day 2 |
| 6:00 PM |
Print up batch of "Honk if you
have Herps," bumper stickers. |
| 8:00 PM |
Jump online to kingsnake.com and
revel in the fact there are other people as 'normal' as you. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Tuesday
- Day 3 |
| 5:00 PM |
Put "Honk if you have Herps," bumper stickers on
your car bumper. Take trip to health food store for fresh greens for
Turtles and fruit for Skinks. Don't forget to get more bleach. |
| 6:00 PM |
Take off "Honk if you have Herps," bumper
sticker after realizing embarrassing spelling error. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Wednesday
- Day 4 |
| 7:00 PM |
WASH HANDS, clean snake tanks, WASH
HANDS, handle snakes for 15-20 minutes and then WASH HANDS. |
| 10:00 PM |
Go to store for more anti-bacterial
soap. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Thursday
- Day 5 |
| 5:00 PM |
Carefully pick dried dandelions and
blow seeds across entire backyard for future homegrown turtle greens. |
| 5:15 PM |
Placate neighbors after the now
infamous, "Dandelion Debacle." |
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----Clean and Re-fill humidifier
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Friday
- Day 6 |
| 8:00 AM |
Place creative add for your snake
'Lumpy' (in accordance with 'Snake Sales Pitches' found at http://coloherp.org/cb-news/archive/humor/SalesPitch).
FOR SALE: One "Impressive" (Ate my Rottwieler) but
"Nervous" (it bites) Argentinean Boa for sale. "Space
needed (It's bloody enormous), for this "good feeder" (It's
eating me out of house and home)." However, "Needs Experienced
Keeper (it tried to eat me)." |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Saturday
- Day 7 |
| 10:00 AM |
Go to Herp store - get 200 crickets,
20 frozen pinkies, 10 large feeder mice and 20 frozen rats. Also get 3
large live rats. Check on new stock of Monitors and Skinks. Buy economical
50 lbs. 'Bag-O-Substrate.' |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Sunday
- Day 8 |
| 7:00 PM |
WASH HANDS. Defrost 3 pinkies, 3 large
mice and 2 medium rats. WASH HANDS. Feed small snakes and spiders. WASH
HANDS. |
| 8:00 PM |
Tape new episode of 'The
Crocodile Hunter.' Spend the rest of the eve. saying, "B'hoy what a
beaut!" (in best Australian accent) while you 'safari' through your
Herp tanks. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Monday
- Day 9 |
| 3:00 PM |
Pawn stereo and pay electric bill. |
| 8:00 PM |
Join Herp online chat. Don't forget to
write back to that understanding, sexy sounding, person with the login
name: SnakCharmr@www.com |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Tuesday
- Day 10 |
| 10:00 AM |
Record new voicemail message with
frogs 'singing' in the background. Take road trip down to Texas to protest
the 'Rattlesnake Roundup.' |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Wednesday
- Day 11 |
| 7:00 PM |
Return from Texas after short hospital
stay. |
| 11:00 PM |
Go online and order all the snake and
lizard T-shirts you can find. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Thursday
- Day 12 |
| 8:00 PM |
Watch The Discovery Channel special on
snakes
(Optional: Drink a sip of beer every time they don't say the names of the
snakes they show). |
| 9:00 PM |
Pass out in drunken stupor. |
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Friday
- Day 13 |
| 5:30 PM |
Buy new humidifier (after forgetting
to fill old one, thus burning out the motor) due to last nights drinking
game. Clean up beer cans and recycle. Save $$$ for Herp store. |
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---Fill new humidifier
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Saturday
- Day 14 |
| 8:00 AM |
Go to Herp store - get feeder Crickets
for Veiled Chameleon and more Calcium Supplement Powder for Geckos. Buy
more 'Mealworms-in-a-can and humidity gauge for new tank. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Sunday
- Day 15 |
| 5:00 AM |
Pay $.50 for 10 newspapers (for
substrate) at corner stand |
| 8:00 PM |
Feed Lizards & Chameleons
(Note to self: DO NOT feed Chameleons TO Lizards). |
| 11:30 PM |
Stop chasing the loose (escaped)
crickets |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Monday
- Day 16 |
| 7:30 AM |
Wake up tired from escaped crickets'
songs. Go to local Zoo's FREE DAY to check out new additions at tropical
discovery area. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Tuesday
- Day 17 |
| 5:00 PM |
Hire local Herp Society for private,
in home, reptile show for daughter's' birthday |
| 5:05 PM |
Make arrangements to baby-sit
neighbors' daughter. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Wednesday
- Day 18 |
| 6:00 PM |
Clean Chameleon tanks. Go to local
nursery to replace dead plants. Remember you forgot to feed your turtles
"fresh greens" and return to health food store. FEED TURTLES
(watch fingers this time!). |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Thursday
- Day 19 |
| 2:01 AM |
Celebrate birth of hatchling Royal
"Ball" Pythons. Name hatchlings. Buy and give out cigars. Send
out "It's a 2.2!" birth announcement cards to out-of-state
friends and family. |
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---Clean and fill humidifier
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Friday
- Day 20 |
| 7:30 PM |
Attend board meeting for local
Herpetological Society. Be sure to wear new snake T-shirt that arrived.
With water-based marker, cross out extra 'e' on "Honk..." bumper
stickers and sell after meeting... CHEAP! |
| 9:00 PM |
Return home, WASH HANDS. |
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---Re-fill humidifier.
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Saturday
- Day 21 |
| 2:00 PM |
Go to Herp store - get and replace 3
burned out heat lamps. 'Buy Sack-O-Supraworms.' |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Sunday
- Day 22 |
| 11:00 AM |
Call mom. Assure her you are still
alive and kicking (NEGLECT to mention the stitches which are still
healing). Explain the meaning of the birth announcements. |
| 8:00 PM |
Remove wax worms from fridge to warm
up and then Feed Frogs., Iguanas and Geckos |
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----Re-fill humidifier
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Monday
- Day 23 |
| 5:00 PM |
Go to hardware store to buy more wood,
nails and screen mesh |
| 10:00 PM |
Empty fly traps. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Tuesday
- Day 24 |
| 6:00 PM |
"Borrow" neighbors driftwood
from front yard landscaping |
| 10:00 PM |
Post bail. |
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---Re-fill humidifier
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Wednesday
- Day 25 |
| 3:00 PM |
Curse humidifier. |
| 3:01 PM |
Pay water bill. |
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---Clean and fill humidifier
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Thursday
- Day 26 |
| 9:00 PM |
Go out with 'non-herp' friends (if you
still have any) and brag about how special all your 'children' are. |
| 9:35 PM |
Return home and check Classifieds for
new friends. |
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---Re-fill humidifier.
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Friday
- Day 27 |
| 8:00 PM |
Renew membership with local
Herpetological Society. |
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---Re-fill humidifier |
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